Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
