Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
