Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
