i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We have so much sex to catch up on
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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