I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
