3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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