in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
