I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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