I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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