I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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