Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
