a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize