I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
