Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
