Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
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Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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