I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
