I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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