I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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