Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The adults are the big ones right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
