Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
