people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
