Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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