i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
