I wannas sexs uuuuu
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
