I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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