Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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