I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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