My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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