I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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