Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
