I am in a vortex of obligation.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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