Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
