tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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