i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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