My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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