Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
