You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
