My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
