I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
