genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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