Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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