just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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