and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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