I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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