I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize