Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
