Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
