i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize