Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
