is your mom at the bar?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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