his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
