Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize