I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
