I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
