Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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