My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
