ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
