Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.

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(708): I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event. http://tfl.nu/286m

Replies (6) Good night (3709) Bad night (607)
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(904): View more from Florida

So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

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(904): So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius! http://tfl.nu/2kph

Replies (259) Good night (5208) Bad night (5091)
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(509): View more from Washington

I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.

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(509): I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore. http://tfl.nu/24ew

Replies (10) Good night (1145) Bad night (2229)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.

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(978): i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous. (603): it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup. http://tfl.nu/1y0h

Replies (5) Good night (1838) Bad night (1156)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.

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(+61): I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision. http://tfl.nu/5ber

Replies (8) Good night (2013) Bad night (814)
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(217): View more from Illinois

You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic

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(217): You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic http://tfl.nu/nxkw

Replies (2) Good night (2729) Bad night (854)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.

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(541): Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk. http://tfl.nu/effc

Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (670)
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(563): View more from Iowa

I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?

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(563): I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor? http://tfl.nu/8nw2

Replies (12) Good night (1761) Bad night (521)
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(207): View more from Maine

I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.

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(207): I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas. http://tfl.nu/wigg

Replies (11) Good night (1504) Bad night (584)
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(469): View more from Texas

He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...

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(469): He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face... http://tfl.nu/7dsy

Replies (6) Good night (1589) Bad night (863)
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(247): View more from

That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.

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(247): That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes. http://tfl.nu/fpdo

Replies (6) Good night (1489) Bad night (493)
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(317): View more from Indiana

I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.

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(317): I need to beat up a magician now. BRB. http://tfl.nu/9fa0

Replies (12) Good night (1303) Bad night (642)
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(312): View more from Illinois

It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.

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(312): It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over. http://tfl.nu/eihc

Replies (3) Good night (983) Bad night (444)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.

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(312): I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that. http://tfl.nu/kiyu

Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (361)
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(618): View more from Illinois

If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.

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(618): If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies. http://tfl.nu/67ah

Replies (2) Good night (790) Bad night (562)

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