thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.