I feel like I'm in dance class right now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed