So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
