I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hippo gnu deer
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THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.