marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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