He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
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his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
be right there i have to get my cape