I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
