That's when you crack a 10am beer
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
