What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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