dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You dont lie about slip and slides
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
