why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
