I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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